Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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