She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
