Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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