Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
