I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
