She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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