In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
