She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
