I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
