ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
