i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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