She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
