so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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