My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize