i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My cat gives me a boner
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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