She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
