Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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