Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
