HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
