just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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