Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize