I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
People in love make me want to vomit
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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