I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
