it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
