I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
