Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
