Im at strip club and am horny
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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