I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
