Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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