Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
