he wants to bone in the snuggie
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
