i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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