Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
