that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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