ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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