before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
