Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
