If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
