i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
