so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
