my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize