well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We are all done wearing pants today
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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