i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
