Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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