pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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