Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
