You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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