Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
