it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
