But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My feet surprised me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
