This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
