I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
