But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
