hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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