I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize