how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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