well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
