oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
