Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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