So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
