Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
