Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Green mimosas i think yes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
