Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dignity is for republicans.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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