btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
