i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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