thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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