we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
