after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
