i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize