he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
