I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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