I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
