Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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