umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
