The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
