please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
