Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
