I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
