I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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