so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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