and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
