I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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