So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
God, I missed his penis.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
