Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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