Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
