I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
