what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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