I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
