and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
