how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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