worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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