He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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