i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
