Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
