The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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