Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
