I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
