What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize