They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
