So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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