I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
