Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
