also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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