I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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