We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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