he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
